PRIDEForever91: Afflictions PPV card rulz. Dana White is so dum (writer’s error, not this writer, of course). Barnett and Fedor will the greatest. This is PRIDE Reborn. But the real PRIDE. It will do a million PPV buys and beat UFC!!

Meanwhile, somewhere in Las Vegas, a thick bald man races through the street in a Ferrari. He parks in a private reserved spot in front of beautiful modern office building. Cut to the man entering a giant office, passing a secretary, and walking to the desk in an even bigger office. He reads his laptop upon sitting, then shaking his head, begins to type…

UFCBoss1: Are you joking me! Are you fuckin’ serious? Affliction has a bunch of knuckle heads. Affliction thinks they have some F’n balls, but PRIDE was nothing till I…till UFC bought them and then…

(He inadvertently sends the posting unfinished, causing him to slap at his keyboard and curse. He collects himself and picks up his phone, dialing 1.)

Bald Man: Debbie, get me Spike on the line!

(Hangs up phone and shakes head)

Bald Man: A million buys!? I’ll show these pretend fuckers who gets a million buys!

Optional Scene: Me in my house reading the same message board

Me: Affliction, huh? If only that were on free TV. Oh well, what’s for dinner?

(I wander off and forget about whatever it was I read while I look for dinner)

How’s it going? Must be busy with the new job and all. I was sorry to hear about you having to quit your other job. Now your brother is gonna make all that money! I hope you saved a few of those $110 million a year you were making. Bad economy and all. Plus you probably have your brother giving you crap all the time. I feel for you. (MMAOpinion Czar) Brandt Delorenzo has two boys, and those brothers are constantly taking each other’s stuff too.

I recently saw Casino and heard you had something to do with that. Is that true. It’s weird, they have something like the guys in that movie everywhere it seems. I read on the Internet they even have one of these mafia things in Japan, and they run fighting over there! Crazy huh? Hope you never have to do business with those guys.

Anyway, I’m writing about a few things you might want to look into now that you’ve found your new office. There’s this crazy foul mouthed bald guy running around your company, and I was wondering if you’d heard. He kept doing interviews talking about his 10%, how he “built this thing”, and “F’n fighters”. That reminds me. I think you need to call HBO. They’re looking for a good cop. They’ve already met your bad cop.

So what’s it like knowing Randy Couture. Captain America is so cool. I never saw a moment quite as cool as the night he beat Tim Sylvia and won the title. Whatever happened to him? I see him coming out in the corner of other fighters, but that wonderful Joe Rogan has been talking less and less about him. Maybe he needs a friend. Not Joe (he’s got Eddie Bravo), but Randy. You should really patch things up with him. I hear you guys use to have breakfast together and everything. The bald guy called him names, BTW.

I’ve gotta go soon. Stuff to do; busy day. You probably got it so much easier since you left that Stations place. I figure you probably have time for a vacation now between jobs. May I make a suggestion? Europe is always nice. Spend a lot of time traveling and learning Europe. Especially Germany. But Asia, like Japan, is just not manageable for um… vacationing.

Also, Roger Huerta can’t get you over the Mexican border. You’re gonna need more than just a pretty face. Why not try Hawaii? Really you can go anywhere; just please remember to keep up with our mutual friend, Spike. He keeps me in the loop.

Your friend in fighting,

Johnny P.

PS Sorry about your Affliction. I hate when people act Elite-st too! You need to watch Strikeforce… whoops.

Today’s fighter of the day? Only one day after his loss to Thiago Alves at UFC 85 in London; Matt Hughes. Caleb over at MMA Predictions has created a MMA Fighter of the Day Google Gadget to place on your iGoogle homepage.

While you’re there, you can also pick your fighters for Adrenaline MMA, Dream, UFC 86, and more! Check it out!

so i went to this show last night in Texarkana, Ar…it was advertised as cage fights, $5 entry, and $1 beer…

we get there and the production and security is top notch….about 4 or 5 professional videographers….had to sign a tv release form upon entering arena, no cameras, no cell phones…

the name of the event is Red, White, and Blood….a banner from the ceiling reads “straight Dave’s man slammin matchup”

the fighters were all area and local, and put on a hell of a show…except for the 1 fight that looked like the toughman and the two 3oo plus pounders that lasted 8 seconds.

Razor Rob made an appearance (the crowd was not impressed, since they had no idea who he was)

then this guy comes out acting like BORAT and talks in an accent and messes with the crowd…in between fights

they keep promising a double main event with 2 titles.

the BORAT-esque character comes back out and has a staged phony fight with a guy from the crowd….and then fights start breaking out in the crowd….then a guy jumps the cage…and the crowd cheers for him as security escorts him out of the cage, like he just won some kind of prize.

the production company cancels the remainder of the show and cites “security reasons” as their cause….

Well, the poster, GSPenn Fan, explains that he talked to the CEO of the event center and it was held by the same production company in California that produced Borat. Yikes. Expect redneck MMA action at a local movie theater in the near future.

Another quote…

yea, i was mesmerized by the $1 beer…..the atmosphere just felt crazy….about midway through the show they raised beer prices to $4….and then back to $1..30 mins later…..they were trying to stir up wild rednecks for the cameras…..and of course it was very easy.

i feel like ive been part of a sociological experiment…its really crazy how easy it is to manipulate the masses.

and…

yes, and when this movie comes out its really going to make MMA fans look like hicks and rednecks….there were several, and i mean several people there that didnt have teeth…..and one of my redneck friends pointed out how odd it was even for texarkana….ive been to the toughman at texarkana several times and the crowd never looked like this…..it looked like the hills have eyes 3…..i think the production company imported them from somewhere else.

I can’t wait to see this.

Check the video after the jump…

Kimbo looks like a big muscle bound ogre that you would avoid on a dark night as you leave the bar. He is definitely a man among men, but in my opinion he will never be considered among the elite of Mixed Martial Arts. The sport has evolved and the best are no longer one sided fighters. They are good athletes that can compete in all areas of the game. They can stand and bang, or take you down and submit you. A testament of this is Josh Koscheck. He is the most decorated wrestler in the UFC, and his dominant wrestling skills aren’t enough to beat the likes of GSP (that actually out wrestled Koscheck in their fight.) Like I said in a previous article, this fight is more of a side show at the circus.

The funniest part of the picture is the guy that looks like he could be your uncle. Not the cool uncle that buys you the best gifts, but the one that your mom tells you story after story about all year long. His fat body and his old man looking beard, hardly make him an intimidating opponent. Tank has said in his interviews that he is in shape and ready for this fight. Tank, you are going to have to prove it to me, I am indeed judging this book by its cover. At this point I don’t feel that you can make it through the first round without gassing, let alone the third.

This fight is being shaped as the best fight on the card tonight, but it isn’t. The Ricco Rodriguez versus Antonio Silva fight will be the best MMA fight on the card. They are both proven MMA fighters and will impress the casual fan, as well as the hard core fans. This fight is a blessing on a stellar card full of gimmicks.

You can also see after fight pics of Mir, Nogueira, and rich girls with ripped Affliction shirts on this gallery. What else could a MMA fan want? The link to all of the pictures is here. Check ‘em out. Props to MMA Mania!

The gym I train at is currently relocating and is still under construction so we’re not open to the public but we already have mats down so the fighters can still grapple and train a little in the meantime. Myself and 6 other guys had just finished rolling and were sitting around discussing technique when a guy and his gf walk in, both holding Budweisers, and ask for me and my coach by name. I reply that I’m the guy they’re looking for and the guy says he’s there to kick my ass. I brush it off at first as I’m told he’s a friend of a friend but he keeps saying he wants to fight. I remind him he’s drunk and tell him to come back when we’re open and take classes but he insists he’s there to kick my ass. After much more nagging and the fact that he called me out by name I agree and go get 2 pair of 4 oz gloves with the intent of just roughing him up a little. The guy has 5 or 10 lbs on me and looks to be in pretty good shape so I’m thinking he might be a dojo buster from another school in the area so i warm back up a little as he’s yelling and saying he’s ready. he didn’t have a mouthpiece so I didn’t wear mine and we began. So I’ve got my hands up and waiting to see what he’s gonna do and he rushes at me flailing and I hit him with a right mid kick that makes him grunt and back away circling as he continues to rush. Once again, he has no mouthpiecs so I don’t want to knock his teeth out so I duck under and body lock him and take him down and mount him quickly. Once there, I let him quit flailing and posture up and ask him if he’s ok, to which he replies hell yea. I then proceed to lump his forehead up, careful to not knock his freakin teeth out until he rolls over giving me his back. The RNC takes all of 15 seconds to gently secure and put him completely to sleep.

Afterwards I immediately rolled him on his side, slapped him on his back until he woke up, sat him up and gave him some water. I felt like a real piece of shit for about 5 min but I was really nice to him thru the whole thing. Then, get this, all knotted up and complaining about his ribs from the body kick he says he wants another round, WTF!!!………

There was a little more to it but this was getting a bit lengthy so I’ll leave it at that, just doing my part to entertain. Thoughts,,,,,,,,

Link to the first video (YouTube)

Link to the second video (YouTube)

Keep in mind that throughout both fights, the guy is talking trash while he is getting beat by someone who was nice enough not to not knock his teeth out or even kill him. Good stuff.