My Political (MMA) Cartoon Script

(The basement of a suburban home of a teenage male. He wears an Affliction T-shirt. There are imported SHOOTO posters on the wall. A Fedor bobble-head doll on desk next to the family computer. The boy types on the screen at a random Mixed Martial Arts message board.)

PRIDEForever91: Afflictions PPV card rulz. Dana White is so dum (writer’s error, not this writer, of course). Barnett and Fedor will the greatest. This is PRIDE Reborn. But the real PRIDE. It will do a million PPV buys and beat UFC!!

Meanwhile, somewhere in Las Vegas, a thick bald man races through the street in a Ferrari. He parks in a private reserved spot in front of beautiful modern office building. Cut to the man entering a giant office, passing a secretary, and walking to the desk in an even bigger office. He reads his laptop upon sitting, then shaking his head, begins to type…

UFCBoss1: Are you joking me! Are you fuckin’ serious? Affliction has a bunch of knuckle heads. Affliction thinks they have some F’n balls, but PRIDE was nothing till I…till UFC bought them and then…

(He inadvertently sends the posting unfinished, causing him to slap at his keyboard and curse. He collects himself and picks up his phone, dialing 1.)

Bald Man: Debbie, get me Spike on the line!

(Hangs up phone and shakes head)

Bald Man: A million buys!? I’ll show these pretend fuckers who gets a million buys!

Optional Scene: Me in my house reading the same message board

Me: Affliction, huh? If only that were on free TV. Oh well, what’s for dinner?

(I wander off and forget about whatever it was I read while I look for dinner)