The Dear Lorenzo Letter
By johnnyp on Jul 16, 2008
Dear Lorenzo,
How’s it going? Must be busy with the new job and all. I was sorry to hear about you having to quit your other job. Now your brother is gonna make all that money! I hope you saved a few of those $110 million a year you were making. Bad economy and all. Plus you probably have your brother giving you crap all the time. I feel for you. (MMAOpinion Czar) Brandt Delorenzo has two boys, and those brothers are constantly taking each other’s stuff too.
I recently saw Casino and heard you had something to do with that. Is that true. It’s weird, they have something like the guys in that movie everywhere it seems. I read on the Internet they even have one of these mafia things in Japan, and they run fighting over there! Crazy huh? Hope you never have to do business with those guys.
Anyway, I’m writing about a few things you might want to look into now that you’ve found your new office. There’s this crazy foul mouthed bald guy running around your company, and I was wondering if you’d heard. He kept doing interviews talking about his 10%, how he “built this thing”, and “F’n fighters”. That reminds me. I think you need to call HBO. They’re looking for a good cop. They’ve already met your bad cop.
So what’s it like knowing Randy Couture. Captain America is so cool. I never saw a moment quite as cool as the night he beat Tim Sylvia and won the title. Whatever happened to him? I see him coming out in the corner of other fighters, but that wonderful Joe Rogan has been talking less and less about him. Maybe he needs a friend. Not Joe (he’s got Eddie Bravo), but Randy. You should really patch things up with him. I hear you guys use to have breakfast together and everything. The bald guy called him names, BTW.
I’ve gotta go soon. Stuff to do; busy day. You probably got it so much easier since you left that Stations place. I figure you probably have time for a vacation now between jobs. May I make a suggestion? Europe is always nice. Spend a lot of time traveling and learning Europe. Especially Germany. But Asia, like Japan, is just not manageable for um… vacationing.
Also, Roger Huerta can’t get you over the Mexican border. You’re gonna need more than just a pretty face. Why not try Hawaii? Really you can go anywhere; just please remember to keep up with our mutual friend, Spike. He keeps me in the loop.
Your friend in fighting,
Johnny P.
PS Sorry about your Affliction. I hate when people act Elite-st too! You need to watch Strikeforce… whoops.
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You know Roger Huerta is pretty enough to get Mexico into the UFC scene…don’t deny your love for him.
He is quite the looker, and you know I’ve always been on the side of the arguement that says he’s for real… or at least not a pretender.
I’d also like to add this for my pen pal… My favorite fighter to root for is The Crippler, Chris Leban. He can get you into prison. Don’t follow him, Big Lo (my nickname for Fertitta! He’s teach’em all stuff!!!
I’ve always been scared shitless to mess with Frankie and Lorenzo after reading that big report fightsport had on them and their family back in like 03.
Wow, that was a lot of man love.
Great letter! but you forgot to mentions Rogan’s Jits bias, Penn’s blood habit, and Matt Hughes’ Hall of fame induction and schedule for the beating he will take from Serra (Curtis, go ahead and try to defend him this time)
Willis, willis, willis…
I assume you are screaming for Brett favre not to return, hate Tiger Woods, and think MJ was overrated too?
He is a legend, there is plenty of room on the bandwagon, come on over!
Curtis, I normally think Willis is wrong too, but I’m with him on the Hughes fight. Matt’s played out, and so is Serra. The difference is that Serra has submissions skills, strength and matches up perfectly with Hughes, even off of his back. It’ll be a fun fight, even if it’s not worth paying for.
Oh, and Joe Rogan’s a pot head. I’ve seen it.